RECAP OF THE MARRIAGE TODAY RETREAT
Pr. Jessica Kayanja: I believe as believers that the word of God takes prominence in every situation. As I was listening to Pr. Grace Makoko’s testimony, my situation on the other hand is contrary: My mother was an educationalist while my father is a soft spoken humble man but very intelligent and we enjoyed that kind of step up.
When I got married, I found out that my husband was this strong man who was so authoritative which I wasn’t used too. It gave me some hard time during my early days of marriage. In this kind of arrangement, I found a man who was very strong and I prayed to God for His grace that through his decision making, he doesn’t make mistakes! Through prayer, I discovered that the authority my husband was using was from God and this was a kind of leadership quality that he had to use. I learnt to submit to him and my tune of voice had to reduce down. Ladies, before you shout at your husband, first pray to God that you can submit to him.
“Marriage is of God and if there’s any marriage expert we need as marrieds, it is the Holy Spirit. This year if your marriage has no marital home, you are getting one” ~ Dr. Robert Kayanja
Q&A: My husband is a pastor who is always in endless fasting. He is never at home and has his nights at church. Whenever he attempts to come home, he sleeps in either a duvet or with our three year old daughter?
Pr. Grace Makoko: I think one of the issues that the church hasn’t addressed, is the issue of sexuality in our homes. If we can get to that side that I have to separate myself and fast, and also being with your wife sexually is very important and “not sinful.” I come from a puritan family, and my husband got saved at the age of seven. Pastor, you have to meet the need of your wife!
Dr. Robert Kayanja: True, the church hasn’t addressed this issue of sexuality. “It’s a compounded lie, that if you are with your wife – the anointing leaves you:” You need to know the three “S” that are very important in marriage;
• S – Sex is part of marriage and its for married people.
• S- Success must be in marriage
• S- Sanctity
Infidelity/unfaithfulness may come into this marriage, expect if a man is impotent and doesn’t want to know. It’s very important, pastors to know what’s happening. I know fathers are attached to their daughters but expect you are the only one at home, its not a healthy environment for a father to sleep with her daughter in his marital bed. Even when she is sick, you go to her room; your daughter[s] must not see your chest. Men, our bodies raise up: their are morning guys, afternoon guys and evening guys.
“The puritan background isn’t bad, it was meant to keep us from sinning before marriage.”
Pr. Arthur Nsamba: The bible says in 1 Corinthians 7:5, Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
When we get married as men, sex is one of the needs in marriage. Different marriages have different consents like Pr. Jessica sowed Dr. Robert for an assignment in the 77 days of glory!
Q&A: How can I handle a situation when I realize I’m faced with a Hagar in my marriage and my husband has a child with her?
Q&A: How do you deal with infidelity in a long distance marriage?
Pr. Jessica: what do you do when realize that your husband has fallen in love with another woman?
1 Corinthians 13:4-5 reads, Love suffers long [and] is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil.
I want to first encourage a woman when your husband starts to go out with other women. The bible says that there was a certain beautiful woman called Abigail but at the same time it says, she was married to a foolish man [1 Samuel 25:2-3]. You have to go down on your knees and start to pray for your husband. The bible says in Ephesians 6:12, For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual [hosts] of wickedness in the heavenly [places.]
When a man is bound, he will leave a palace and go to a small room with a prostitute. In the Prayer Clinic, we deal with these Hagars and we send them into the wilderness where there’s no “WhatsApp, Phone calls, Facebook & Twitter or any form of communication.”
You have to believe God that your husband will change. Through prayer, God will speak to your husband just as He spoke to Abraham. In prayer, God will lead you to women who will speak into your life like Naomi & Ruth [Ruth 1:16-17]. The bible says in Titus 2:4-5 [NLT], These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God. You old women speak to the young women!
My sister, you must add value to yourself and your self-esteem must be boosted . You must think and know that you are beautiful. In prayer, God will lead you through this. It all starts at the threshing knees. Faith works with love, you cannot win your husband by hating him at the same time.
Q&A: What do you do when you were legally married to your husband and down the road, you find out that he is now married to another woman, and when you do your investigations, this marriage wasn’t legal, and this man is a pastor?
Dr. Robert: why do you waste people’s time? You are violating the law and these laws will hook you when you are weak: Pastor, you are holding God’s law. You are holding the 66 books in your hands. Whatever you do to that woman, you will deal with it later. Let me tell you this, he’s my friend and he allowed me to talk about it. The divorce of Pr. BennyHinn almost dragged his ministry to nothing. He’s just recovering now. From an international ministry to an ordinary ministry. Another person was Nelson Mandela. The moment he divorced Winnie, the woman who fought for his release, he couldn’t even stand for a second term in office because people no longer believed in him. Don’t joke with covenants and that’s why it is very important to enter marriage when you are virgins because that’s when the first covenant is made.
Pastor, you are violating the laws of marriage. You violate the law of humanity and thirdly, you are hindering your success.
Marriage is the picture of the church. God said, “…and upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it” [Matthew 16:18].
Take a look at “divorce and the devil”, they both start with “D”. Divorce is from the devil. Look at pastors who have stayed together and where their ministries are today; Billy Graham, Dr. Morris Cerullo, Bishop TD Jakes… Divorce is one thing that disqualifies and kicks us out of the game.
Three things God looks keenly at: Marriage, Children & the Church. With Marriage, He says in Mark 10:9, What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. To the Children, He said, But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and [that] he were drowned in the depth of the sea [Matthew 18:6]. And to the Church, He said, …I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it [Matthew 16:18]
There was a certain pastor who had a great ministry. He divorced his wife and kids and married another woman who was a Hollywood model. The first wife never left the church together with her children. Years later, this pastor developed lung cancer, and he could no longer preach. The church committee decided to appoint a young man to pastor the church and what this new pastor did, he married the daughter of this senior pastor. In a short period of time, the senior pastor passed on and his body was discovered five days later, when even the second wife wasn’t with him. A very powerful man of God died like an ordinary man. The new pastor later appointed his mother-in-law on his board and today the ministry has grown to 10,000 members. Divorce can hit any marriage at any time but you have to stand.
Q&A: I was a minister before I got married, and I don’t know whom to serve first between God & my husband. My husband is still a serving minister?
Pr. David Makoko: No one I can compare to as my wife; after every thing, I go back home to see my wife. I had an opportunity to stay with Pr. Robert & Jessica Kayanja and I learnt from them a lot. No one can love my wife and children for me, the church has Jesus! I have observed in ministry that you can’t claim to love your pastor and say you don’t love his wife yet the two are one! I rather make other people unhappy but my wife be happy. Fellow minister, don’t make your wife to be any other person. Your wife is your wife. You love your wife as Christ has loved the church [Ephesians 5:25]. Give your wife time, your wife should feel that she’s a priority. In all the 49 crusades, my wife has always supported me and has always been behind my back. Believers should know that when Pastor is talking to his wife, they shouldn’t interrupt them.
Dr. Robert: pastor, if you have developed a pattern of flow, I will advice you with what Pr. Jessica did, because ministry is so demanding. Pr. Jessica looked where she could fit in, she led a delegation that adopted street kids, then she joined rivers of life choir, then the music ministry and one day when I was overseas, she had to stand in the gap and she preached a powerful message which everyone was talking about. I never taught her how to make a sermon. Mistreating is unacceptable!
Q&A: Pastor, my brothers-in-laws expect us to live in the same country home?
Dr. Robert: Pr. David told us that whenever his sisters wanted to come in their home, his wife told him that she wasn’t ready. In-laws, get out of your relative’s marriages! Once a man has left his home & clings to his wife, they become one [Genesis 2:24]. Married women, don’t mess up your brother’s marriage: in-laws are squeezers and the husband should know that he has to leave a legacy for his family.
© Missions Department- Robert Kayanja Ministries
